Shattered
by InuLuvsKag4eva25
Summary: My eyes lingered on his retreating figure, he would be back. I think…, he always did, he always came back. She could hold his soul but I held his heart,I was sure of it.But the question was who held mine or at the least the shattered pieces of it.KagXSess
1. Ist meeting

**Revised version**

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters

Kagome POV:

My tired chocolate eyes gazed upon the never ending sky of stars. The feudal era was so beautiful, so… natural, nothing was artificial. It was a quiet night, like all the others, it had no constant noise of cars speeding by, or trains passing underneath the solid ground. The world was silent, except for Mother Nature of course.

I heard shuffling, a creek, a twig crack and then silence. I lifted my head up from my comfy pillow towards the tree that Inuyasha usually occupied, but it was vacant, nothing…, empty. I felt a pull on my heart, no, much deeper than that, I felt a pull on my soul, headed towards Inuyasha forest. I quietly got out of my sleeping bag, making sure that Shippo didn't wake up and commenced to walk towards the direction of the pull. My feet moved on their own accord, I didn't direct them in any way or form. It was as if they had a mind of their own.

I shivered as the cool night air hit my uncovered skin. I tried hugging myself in effort to rid my body of the cold, but…, the coldness wouldn't leave. The feeling of emptiness and dread started making its ugly head into my system. The cold dark night bothered me, it gave me a feeling of loss, but of what I didn't know, that was until I saw them.

My tired eyed opened wider then they had ever done before. Next to the beloved sacred god tree, where Kikyo had pinned Inuyasha, and where I had freed him from stood the person who held my heart. And he was breaking it ever second he was there, embracing her. My heart cracked as I gazed upon their gentile lovers embrace until I could no longer look because all the pieces had shattered.

My feet ran, I ran, my soul ran to a place where I could silently cry. My clothes ripped and tore. The twigs and branches of the forest ripped at my skin cutting and hurting me even more. But it was nothing compared to my heart break, no physical pain could compare to what I felt inside, the emptiness, the hallow space where my heart was before it was shattered into nothing put undistinguished pieces of cracked ugly glass.

I kept running, minutes passed, hours… I didn't even know anymore I just kept running. I had to find a place in which I could cry, cry and not be criticized for my weakness, my weakness of loving him.

I had run all nightfall. I had grown tired by the time the sun had begun to rise. I was exhausted mentally and physically. I couldn't take it anymore I wanted out, out of this never ending pain. The pain, the excruciating pain…, it wouldn't stop. I felt as if I was suffocating, dying inside. I felt a black hole inside of me just like Miroku's cursed hand trying to suck me inside my own darkness, hurt, hate and soul. Well the piece of soul that still belonged to me, the piece that was still mine.

The world started spinning, "Inuyasha," I called out, no answer, "Inuyasha," I called out again still no answer. I drooped to the floor, resting for the first time.

My thought lingered back to Inuyasha, he wasn't here. He hadn't followed me like all the other times. He hadn't come to look for me, he hadn't cared. Maybe he had never care, maybe he just followed after me all those times due to a certain degree of responsibility over my well being. Because of course, back then, when he and Kikyo weren't on friendliest terms, I was the only one who could help him find the jewel shards. But know he had her, he didn't me need me, not even as his shard detector anymore.

He didn't care about what happened to me he didn't give a dam. No one cared, _no one_, why should I continue my sorrowful existence in a world that didn't want me.

My chain of thoughts stopped, had I actually considered killing myself, what.., what had I become. All of Inuyasha's hateful words resurfaced, and hit me like a ton of bricks, _useless, weak, wench, pathetic._ I was just a burden to all my friends and Inuyasha …. He didn't care. He wouldn't mind me being dead. If I were to jump off a cliff it would be better for everyone, me dying is the best I could do for everyone, the best I could do…. the most I could do.

I was determined; I knew what I had to do. I knew what I had to do for everyone. I looked straight ahead of me; I could hear rushing water, which could only mean one thing. It meant that there was a river and a river would eventually lead to a cliff. And just like the water tumbled down the cliff I would flow down with it as well.

I followed the river, anticipation stirring within me; as I got closer to the cataract I could hear the gushing sound of water falling down the cliff. I smiled, just a little more just a few feet more and I would make the world a better place without me. I stood at the edge of the cliff, the beautiful blue liquid surrounded by the green forest and the never ending sky would be my only witness of what I was about to do.

I took a deep breath and said my final words," Goodbye Inuyasha aishiteru," and then with my final breath I jumped.

Oddly the fear and anticipation of the fall seemed ridicules, I hadn't felt anything, who knew that death could be... so painless. But then I realized I wasn't dead. I felt a soft warm body holding me so tightly that it was as if I was being crushed. I gazed up into golden eyes, surprised I gave a startled screech.

"What do you think you are doing Miko?"


	2. deep choclate eyes

**Revised version**

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any of its characters

Sesshomaru POV:

It was a true surprise to me that such a small woman, no, _girl_ could scream so loudly. My sensitive ears still rung and I could tell she was about to scream again. This time I took precaution and covered, to my disgust, her human mouth.

I gracefully leaped down from that hazard cliff she was about to fall off from, to the safety of the luscious green forest floor.

"Miko, what are you doing out here, all alone without my stupid half breed of a brother Inuyasha?" I asked while placing her steadily on the ground

She visibly flinched when I had said my half brothers name. She looked lost; her head was bowed down in a style of defeat. Her bangs were covering her chocolate brown eyes, she also hugged herself, odd though, it wasn't very cold so what was she shielding herself from? She looked a mess, her face was dirty and her being reeked of salt and blood. I asked again.

"What are you doing out here all alone Miko," I said in an icy tone. My face held no emotion. It wasn't that I was particularly interested in the Mikos affairs, but I was curious as to why my idiotic brother had let his wench wander off all by herself. But still no answer, I was becoming increasingly inpatient, this time I shook her.

"I'll ask you once more, why are you out here all alone miko?" I said, my teeth grinding against each other. She was testing my patience and I did not like to be played around with.

This time I got a response, but not a spoken one. She raised her head and gazed into my eyes, no words could describe her now _hallow _eyes. It was as if her very soul had been taken out of her. It hurt, to look into them; it brought pain like I've never felt before to my very soul. Her once happy and life filled eyes were a corpse of what they used to be. I let go of her, burnt by her emptiness and also having realized that I still held on to her shoulders roughly.

She once again looked back down at the floor of the forest. I examined the rest of her body. She had scratches all over her lags and her clothes were very badly torn, her new state of attire was even more indecent then before. I could hear her heart beat, but it was surprisingly calm, no fear or terror erupted from her scent at all.

What happened next was truly surprising, she raised her head up and smiled at me with her cold eyes and then said, "Well, aren't you going to kill me Se-ssho-ma-ru –sama, what are you waiting for?"

I was truly surprised at the calm tone of her voice, it was as if she had simply said, can you hand me that, instead of asking for her death. What had my half brother done to her what he done to the pure soul of this miko that was now tattered and torn?

"I will not kill you, you have gained some of my respect in defeating Naraku, if you wish …," at that moment I realized what she had been attempting before, on the cliff, she was going to kill herself. "You were going to kill yourself weren't you", I said. It wasn't a question, I already knew the answer, but still she responded.

"Yes I was," she said choking with laughter and tears, I couldn't make out her feelings, she looked sad and surprised at the same time. Tears escaped from the prison in her eyes but at the same time she sobbed and held her stomach as if trying to control her laughter and pain simultaneously.

"Kami Inuyasha, what have you done to me? Why can't I ever be happy? ", she said and then she started walking away, deep into the forest. A shadow of her figure was all I could see as she ventured deeper and deeper into the tangles of the forest.

"Miko what has he done to you?" I asked, curious still.

"He has killed me," I heard her say softly.


	3. Savior

**Revised version**

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters.

KAG POV:

Time passes for all beings, no matter how much pain or how much hurt one had, time still passed, always leading you into a new direction, a direction that always held more pain.

I didn't exactly know how much time had passed since my heart turned into indistinguishable pieces, but I think it had started to first break the first time Inuyasha kissed me and said Kikyos name in the place of mine.

What a fool I had been, believing in love, _ha_ such a foolish and petty thing. Love didn't exist, well… at least not for me. I was predestined to be alone, and alone I would be, till the day of my death.

It had been, approximately four days since I had seen any of my friends, four days since I had last eaten and four days since my encounter with lord Sesshomaru.

I was aw struck by his interest in my being, it was not normal for him to show interest in anything besides him, Rin, his lands, and occasionally Jaken. Still it would have been a relief if he had killed me right there and then, but he had not even raised his hand against me when I mocked him. I had never addressed him as Sesshomaru -sama in the short time I had known him, I always would call him fluffy or onii-chan. But by using his title and even as going as far as to emphasize his name I was provoking him to strike me, but it had not worked.

The animals of the forest were chirping with glee and happiness, it was to be expected spring had begun two weeks ago.

I was exhausted; my face was covered with dirt and was stained with the trails my tears mixed with dirt had left. I had not cried since my encounter with fluffy, but I always felt like I needed to but I couldn't, perhaps my tear well had dried up.

I suddenly heard a strange noise; I stood still for a while before I realized that it was my stomach begging me to eat. I knew that I should have eaten something these past four days but I didn't think I could stomach anything down.

My legs felt numb, my entire being felt numb, perhaps that was why I couldn't stand up and walk, or perhaps it was my lack of energy. I didn't know or care which the reason was out of the two. I just wanted to go on walking so that I could find a hot spring or anything close to bathing water so that I could remove the horrible stench of tried blood and tears off of my being.

I tried standing up, but to no avail, I just kept falling to the floor, causing my lower back more pain. Staying here wasn't such a good idea, I didn't know what part of the forest I was in but I was sure it was very far away from the camp, and my stench of blood would probably alert and grab some attention of some demon out there. My school uniform was so badly torn; I didn't think I could use it again. I couldn't stand or run or anything, I was completely vulnerable.

"Oh Inuyasha what am I going to with myself now, you have broken me beyond repair, who will ever want or accept me." I was speaking to myself, odd I think I had been doing that a lot as of late. I looked around my surroundings; trees forest creatures, leaves, grass, and mostly green stuff.

I heard something shuffle around in the direction of a very large tree. "Who's there," I said no response. My heart started to beat a little faster, I could feel fear leaking its way into my system, I held my breath, and I reached for the nearest tree branch and raised it up and once again spoke out and said "Who's there."

"Your doom my dear, that is who I am,"I heard, and then I saw the most beautiful creature alive approaching me. "Who has broken you my dear," the mysterious male youkia said as he reveled himself to me. He was beautiful; he had hair so long and golden it looked like a tangle of gold chains, he was pale and slender but eth most glorious thing about him were his eyes. His pale silverish blue eyes were captivating, I was hypnotized by them and I found out that I had no will of my own, no power to deny him of the answer he wished to hear.

"Inuyasha," I heard myself say monotonously

"Well then would you like to join me, in a place where Inuyasha can no longer hurt you?" he said. Again I felt myself being pushed to answer, I couldn't help myself, it was like I had lost my will.

"Sure," I responded. He beckoned me to join him closer near the foot of a tree. My body moved on its own, in my mind I knew something was wrong. All I could think was _No, No, NO. _

He accommodated me so that I was in his arms, and then with his hands he lifted my chin up in a way a lover would to his intended before a kiss, and then he bared his fangs at me. And then I felt it, _fear_, this demon was going to kill me.

He had brought me closer to him so that he could kill me. Just like Inuyasha, he had kept me close always watching but in eth end he had ended up killing my very soul, had ended up crushing my fragile heart.

I had lost total control of my body that was for sure, all I could do was pray, pray that I would leave this world to go to a better place. I once again closed my eyes like I had the first time I almost died. This time I was silent though, and then I felt him, again he was here when I was on the verge of death.

"Death follows you Miko, and it seems that Kami has put me in the way to stop it from reaching you," I heard my savior said. I could not respond , but I smiled indicating to him that I knew, knew that death followed, not because it was suppose to be that way, but because I put it there, and he would not let me die I see, not in this dishonorable way.


	4. Lord Fluffy Sama

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters.  
Sesshomaru POV:

"Death follows you Miko, and it seems that Kami has put me in the way to stop it from reaching you," I said. The youka that held her captive appeared to be a lower class demon that only relied on his appearance to lure his prey in, and it seemed that he could hypnotize the ones that were vulnerable and weak. I killed him with ease; with one swing of my sword I had obliterated him. I caught the miko before she could fall to the floor.

"Why do u keep saving me?" she asked me, looking straight into my eyes. Honestly I didn't know either. What led me to saving her, I did not know, but what I did know was that my beast would not keep quiet until I had her safely in my arms.

"I will be asking the questions here miko", I responded.

"Lord Sesshomaru-sama, were are you", I heard my ward Rin call. I averted my gaze from the miko, and turned my head in the direction of Rins voice.

"Jaken didn't I specifically tell you to keep watch of Rin in the clearing", I said, looking at him with a murderous glare.

"Please forgive this lowly creature Lord Sesshomaru-sama, but Rin wandered off", he responded, kneeling his head down at my feet.

"Don't blame Jaken, lord Sesshomaru-sama, it wasn't his fault, I was just getting bored and I wanted to see what you were doing…" she paused realizing that the miko was here. "Kagome-chan I'm so happy to see you, what are you guys doing, are you playing rescue the princess", Rin said looking at our current state.

"Something like that, now Rin go back with Jaken to the clearing", I responded, this child could be so annoying sometimes, but I could never abandon her, she was like my daughter.

"Okay, but Kagome is coming too right, she's going to be my new mommy right?" she said to me with teary eyes. I couldn't refuse her; she was the closest thing I had to family. I had to take the miko back with us to the palace. Hopefully the miko would come quietly, I didn't want a repeat of the screaming session she gave me the first time I saved her.

"If that is what you want Rin, then yes the Miko will come with us."

"WHAT, WHO THE HELL DO YOU…" she screamed before I covered her mouth, my ears rung, stupid miko. I let go of her, and let her drop to the luscious forest floor.

I bent down and whispered into her ear, "You will come with us, you will be Rins new mother, and you will live under my roof, do not scream or complain, because I will not hesitate to send you back with Inuyasha." She paled at the mention of my half brothers name; a look of sheer terror covered her face. I grinned on the inside, good; it seemed she understood who the alpha of this pack was. "Come Rin we will be leaving now, you as well miko", I said out load to everyone.

"Hai , let's go mama, we are going to have so much fun, ill show you the garden, and all the secret places in the castle", Rin said enthusiastically to Kagome. Kagome responded as soon as the word mama left Rins mouth.

"Fluffy, I will go with you, for Rins sake, but you will not keep me captive, I will still have my freedom to come and go as I please", she responded with a fierce look on her face.

I grinned, "What you do on your spare time is no concern of mine, just don't die, I can only heal you once, and after that you will be leaving Rin without a mother once more in her life, and also you are not to call me fluffy in my home, You will address me by Lord Sesshomaru-sama, understood", I said to her.

"I understand perfectly Lord Fluffy-sama", she said trying to control her laughter.

**To all my fellow readers, plez review I need to know if I should continue oh and to ****dpbclover, I don't know how to contact you and yes I did consider it, and the answer is yes, I terribly stink with grammar, so yes, um about contacting me just e-mail me I will enable for that to be seen. **


	5. Tears

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters

KAG POV:

If he thought he could get away with keeping me as a sort of nanny for Rin, he was sorely mistaken. I would escape to my time, _my_ era-- a place where I could start a new life, a new beginning.

Before I could continue with my train of thought, Rin's voice interrupted me.

"Mama, Mama, are you listening to me?" I heard Rin query.

"Of course, now what were you telling me about the garden? I asked, a feeling of comfort washing through me as I saw her smile. I guessed on the topic of our conversation, but since the garden was the only thing she was talking about, I had a pretty good guess.

I grimaced, such a sweet girl, another child I would leave without a mother. She and Shippo would be the only regrets I would have in abandoning this world.

I knew somewhere in my heart that I would share so many bittersweet moments with her, and knowing that I would just leave her in the end brought tears to my eyes. A drop of water escaped my eyes, sliding down my cheek bone to the tip of my chin before plummeting down. Casting, my head downward, I noticed that my tear drop had left a small, barely visible mark on the earth floor. Soon it would be gone, and I felt a piercing sting in my heart, would I disappear as well?

Was I barely noticeable? Was that why Inuyasha had chosen her instead of me?

"Miko, you will cease your sobbing at once," Sesshomaru demanded over Rin's worried voice.

"Mama, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" I felt a comforting hand touch my shoulder hesitantly before pulling back. I assumed that Rin had tried to make me feel better, but no one could comfort me, anyone could try ..., but I was broken beyond repair. So her touch held no solace.

_Sobbing, crying... What were they talking about? I was doing no such....,_

That's when I felt it. All of the tears that had bottled up inside of me had poured out of my eyes.

I felt a searing pain in my knees, and I realized that I must have hit the floor. The tears were now leaking freely from my eyes, attempting to rid my whole body of the unbearable sorrow that I felt. It did nothing... I hugged my body in an attempt to warm myself from a chill that had nothing to do with the weather.

Why? Why couldn't I let go of this pain? Why was my only release through tears...? Was I really that weak? Was the only thing I could do cry?

I felt it again, the ugly black hole in my chest, trying to suck me into my very own hate and soul. I had lost the ability to breathe; I was hyperventilating. I tried breathing, but to no avail. I just couldn't calm down, couldn't escape from the black fog of pain that shrouded my mind.

"Inuyasha," I managed to gasp between my ragged breaths, "help me."

I could feel the world begin to spin around me, and quietly wondered why I called out Inuyasha's name. He couldn't help me; he _wouldn't_ help me.

Blue blended with green, Sesshomaru blended into Rin, and Rin into Jaken, making the world a tangled mess of bright colors.

The colors became a blur, making the figures surrounding me indistinguishable.

"What's going on?" I asked out loud, finally being able to some-what breathe. I could make out a bright pink light. A womanly figure started to come closer to me.

Who was this forlorn figure? I didn't recognize her... I felt a jolt of fear course through me, but I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything. I _never _could.

As the figure stepped closer, my fear was replaced with a warm feeling, my being became warmer, lighter, as if I had no troubles in the world at all, I felt light, light as a feather. This was the best I'd felt in a _long _time. She spoke.

"I am Midiroku. I have come to tell you, child, that an important decision has been made that will change the fate of both you and Sesshomaru. Your fates are now intertwined, guided by the hands of the Makers of Destiny. Though I tried to convince them not to do this to you, they wouldn't listen."

Her words did not make any sense to me. _Makers of Destiny? Sesshomaru and my fates intertwined?_

"What decision are you talking about?" I asked, a feeling of dread creeping into my system.

"You, my dear, will bear the most powerful Inuyoukai to ever exist. You will become the Lady of the West, Sesshomaru's mate..." Her voice trailed off and I could feel myself growing tired. I was falling, ever downward, and I couldn't stop. I tried to scream, but couldn't and soon found myself swallowed by a deep, dark abyss.

**To all my fellow readers please review, and also to my beta reader thank you so much, your editing really did make a huge difference, but I did add a little to it, but I swear I did not cut out any of your new tune ups to my story, it was absolutely wonderful, thank you, till next chapter which will come out pretty soon, oh and if you have time read my one shot for sailor moon I want to see what people think about it. **


	6. A moment of weakness

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters.

**This chapter is dedicated to my faithful reader and reviewer ****jazzyinuluvsesshyxxoo****and as well to my awesome beta reader ****dpbclover****, hope you guy like it :D**

Sesshomaru P.O.V:

The Miko had started sobbing. Having fallen to the earthen floor she had ripped the skin on her knees. _What had I done to deserve such inadequacy?_

My thoughts were broken as I heard her struggle to call out for my half-brother. Why was she yelling for that pathetic _half-breed?_

Although I had felt immense anger and hatred in my life, nothing was close to what I had felt at that moment- what I had felt upon hearing, with such a weak struggle, the name of my half brother coming out from her lips. My vision filmed over in red. I knew that I longed to leave, leave to kill. I couldn't though, _he _wasn't worth it, and _she…, _and she shouldn't have caused such feelings in the first place.

"Mama! Mama, wake up!" Rin asked evident worry in her voice, "Sesshomaru-sama, is she okay?" Her tone was desperate; she didn't want to lose the only mother she had.

"Yes, Rin, she's okay, she's just a little tired is all," I responded trying to cover my anger and hurt the best I could; it wasn't as easy to in front of Rin. She had spent too much time with me and could probably somewhat read me. I managed to control myself enough to pick up the now unconscious Miko and continue to our rest spot. Her blood still lingered in the air; her scent was intoxicating. I hadn't realized how drawn into the smell of her blood I was until Rin pointed it out; Jaken just stood in silent attention.

"Sesshomaru, why are you purring and holding Mama so close to your face?" she asked innocently. I answered her with my eyes, telling her to forget about it. How could I have lost so much control? At the first essence of her scent I had let my beast control me; this human was a bother. I tried settling her in the weird contraption that she called a sleeping bag, but she wouldn't let go of my tail, her hands holding fistfuls of my fur. Unconsciously she spoke, "Soft, hmm…"

She was a pest-- I would have to clean _no... _I would have to burn this robe to get rid of the scent. No amount of washing could remove her smell. It would torture me for a long while. _Pest,_ I thought again. I would have to stop at the nearest town and buy new robes until we reached home, where I would require the service of my seamstress.

I removed her hands from my tail with the upmost care; I was careful in to pull her fingers off first so that the wench wouldn't pull out any of my hair. I had thought that that was the end of it, but the insolent girl wouldn't stop pestering me even as she lay unconscious. She had wrapped her fingers around my own; in the mist off trying to untangle her hands from my fur she had ended up tangling our fingers. I looked upon our now tangled hands, her hands were so small compared to mine; so small, weak, fragile, it wouldn't take any effort to crush every single bone in her hand as a punishment for saying _his_…,

I shook my head, dumbfounded, I realized what I had been about to do. I had been about to care, and I was not allowed such a weakness, Rin was one and that was enough. As I untangled our hands I felt a loss of warmth that had appeared when she had locked our fingers in a tight embrace. It was night time, and Jaken and Rin were already asleep. I gave a relieved sigh...No one would know, no one would know of my single instant of weakness. I cradled her body in my arms, as a parent would a child, and then I fell asleep. It was something that I could not avoid... her smell was so sweet, her body warmth was so inviting. I felt myself nod off, contentedly sighing. My barrier would keep harm from reaching us on the inside, and my servants would never know of my weak moment....

I sighed one last time before falling into a deep slumber, one that I hadn't had the pleasure in having in such a long time.

_**To all my faithful readers, Thank you for reading, plez review :D, btw since school has started once again( yes I know it is very sad} I may not be able to update as soon as I would wish too, but I promise at least two update a week, maybe 3, nd if ur lucky maybe 4, but don't count too much on that, remember review, it makes feel good when I know ppl are enjoying my story.**_


	7. Foolish Miko

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters

**Omg IM SO VERY SORRY!!!! I know its late but I tried, school has been n hectic, and just going to say sorry beforehand because I'll probably only update once next week, but for being so mean I made tiz chappie super long, well longer den my usual chapters, hope u enjoy.**

_Kag POV: _

_I must have returned back to my era I thought_ as I woke up. The only way I could be lying on something as comfortable as I was \ meant that I was safe back in my own era-- in my bed.

"Mama", I called out; no answer. I shifted in what I supposed was my bed, I hadn't opened my eyes yet in the hopes of falling asleep again, but it wasn't working; I was to awake to, and I wasn't about enter into my deep slumber.

As I opened my eyes, I came upon three realizations: one I wasn't back home; two, Sesshomaru's tail was extremely soft; and three, Sesshomaru's sleeping face, was so kawaii and serene.

I held my breath, not wanting to wake him, but I suppose my stirring must have done the job. At first, when had just opened his eyes, I could see warmth and confusion, but that only lasted an instant. It occurred almost too fast, and if I hadn't been paying close attention, I would of missed it. Then, when it seemed that he had dawned on the realization that he was holding me very tenderly, he dropped me like stone.

"OUCH!" I said, "WHAT THE ....?!" I stopped mid sentence, my last memories came blasting back into me- Midiroku, her words, my fate, and Sesshomaru 's future mate.

"NO!" I screamed. What kind of _cruel _joke was this? Why had fate picked me to bear the strongest taiyoukai to ever exist? Why had this burden fallen on me- someone who couldn't handle it? _Why!? Why!? Why.._

"Stop your impotent screeching at once Miko," I heard Sesshomaru say above my screams. His voice was silky smooth and as calm as ever.

"BASTARD! It's all your fault!" I bellowed, aiming my words of anger towards the youkai. I was about to raise my hand to strike him, but he caught me mid- way. Tears were now falling down my cheeks. They leaked my pain and my misery, spurred on by my doomed fate.

Everything hurt- even my soul. No, it didn't hurt; it ached.

How was that even possible? My soul had no physical attribute to it. How could it hurt- what could have caused it so much pain?

Then when he said it, those words, my whole life came crashing down. It appeared that he knew what I had dreamed, and he wanted to rub more salt into my wounds. _Why? _Was it payback for his ill misfortune of having to end up with me? If it were possible, my soul ached even more.

"Do not think that I just because fate has deemed it that we mate, that I do not hate you as much as you hate me. Do not think that your misery or tears will bring me pity, for I will not hesitate to send you back to Inuyasha or disperse of you once our son is born."

As he held me by the wrist, letting small drops of acid leak down from his claws, I came upon my final realization that day. A soul can be hurt from the crushing of hope. For an instant there, hope had arisen in me that my time with Sesshomaru wouldn't be half as bad- that it would be bearable, but I had then realized that it would be insufferable. I was doomed by fate to my own misery.

My knees _hurt_, and I realized that I would have to stop falling on them. The skin there was so scarred that I thought they may never heal. However, did it even matter? Skin always heals, but just not the way you want it to. Perhaps the scars would get even uglier.

My gaze had fallen to the earth floor, where I could see my blood tainting the clean, fertile dirt. I had wondered for an instant if he looked like Inuyasha when he was mad, so I raised my head to stare into his eyes.

_You idiot! Why did you do that?!_ A voice screamed in the back of my head. My soul was aching worse than ever, and I was sure that my pain had gone beyond pain.

Looking into his eyes was the biggest mistake I had ever made. Who would have thought that the great Lord Sesshomaru could show any other emotion besides indifference? I hadn't believed that he could look any other way, but in that instant I could see his hate.

Was I really that bad? Was I really so bad that anybody would hate ending up with me? Why me? Why did I have this cruel fate? Why couldn't I be happy or at the very least not miserable?

Why did even bother me? What did I care that a demon hated me, a human? Why did it hurt so bad?

Then, why did I feel, deep inside me, the want for this demon? Was it because in many ways he was like his brother? Was it because I couldn't grasp the fact that Inuyasha was gone, and I needed whatever was the most similar to him?

Tears began to gush from my eyes harder, brought forth by my unanswered questions and old pain.

His eyes, the golden honey that were shared Inuyasha, the very ones that used to cheer me up, had broken the last remainder of will that I had. I had lost the last strength to look for happiness.

"I do not love you," I gasped. "I could never give you that son," My words were as silent as the tears that fell after every intake of breathe.

"No one ever said anything about love." His voice was hard, scolding. "You do _not_ need love to conceive a child."

He finished talking, casting his head towards a stirring Rin. I blinked in shock through my tears; I hadn't realized that Rin was still sleeping. How had she managed to sleep with all my screaming?

When he said that love was not needed to conceive a child, I felt an immense feeling of sorrow. I had forgotten that Sesshomaru's parents had not mated for love but for pure political and stature reasons.

I had no intentions of bringing a child into the world, in which his parents did not love one another, but I still had promised little Rin that I would be her mother, and I would not abandon her like I did Shippo.

I stood up, retrieving my badly treated wrist from Sesshomaru's grasp. I whipped the dirt of my green skirt. My tears had stopped falling, Sesshomaru's back was towards me, and there was an intense tension in the air. The wind caressed my long black hair, combing it with its fingers and bringing my scent towards Sesshomaru.

I smiled as he stiffened, if I had no choice but to be his mate I would be, but under my terms, my conditions. He _would_ love me; I would make sure of it, because that would be the only way that I would be able to give him the son he needed.

It would be the only way that I _could_ be able to give him the last of me. I would only give up my innocence if he would give me his heart. I had no heart to offer, but I did have my innocence, and that would make up for my lack of love.

I wondered, somewhat foolishly, if I were doing the right thing. Fate had planned this to happen, but I couldn't help feel that I was betraying Inuyasha. I had moved from one brother to the other, and now, I couldn't decide who had hurt me more.

"I will give you what you so desire on the condition that you will give me your heart," I said as I turned to get ready for today's travel.

If Sesshomaru had felt the need to laugh, he had kept himself silenced.

"Foolish Miko, I have no heart."


	8. Father

**Yay I was able to update faster, tiz one goes out to all my devoted readers who haven't given up an me in my week absence :D**

_Sesshomaru POV:_

It appeared to me that I was dreaming, something that I hadn't done in a long time. White mist engulfed all everything around me. All I could see was a dark, tall figure making its way towards me.

"Son," the figure said, coming closer to me. How interesting- it had been a long time since I've dreamt of my father; his appearance meant that something interesting was to occur. I wondered what he had come to tell me today.

_This would prove to be quit amusing I thought_ … I had no idea how wrong I was.

"Father," I responded with as much coldness as I could muster in order to address this being. His body was now visible to my eyes; he didn't look a day older than when he had died. I looked at him eye to eye, gold meeting gold, and, just when I thought he had come to tell me of something of dire importance, he laughed. All seriousness dropped from my face as I stood staring at him blankly.

He held his mouth in an atempt to contain his laughter, but to no avail- it would seem that he had found something amusing, for he had dropped to the floor laughing. He dropped to the mist encompassed floor, laughing uncontrollably.

"Stand father. It is unbefitting of you to lie on a floor," I growled at him. He stood up, seemingly more collected, but when he turned to face me he broke down in laughter… again. I was growing impatient, which was something that shouldn't happen. I admit I lacked patience as a lord, but a good lord needed no patience if his subordinates were precise and the best. My father must have been the only exception. I waited until he calmed down-he was still laughing- but he seemed collected enough to start talking.

"I'm sorry son; it's just the news I bring to you is… ", he stopped mid sentence and began laughing once again. If he hadn't been my father he would have been dead by now. My patience wearing thin, I asked him, "What news do you bring? Please answer completely before pausing to throw yourself in a fit of laughter."

"Son, I've come to tell you that you will take a. . . a. .. . hahahahaha!!"

I was completely frustrated as I stepped closer to him, my intentions set on gripping him by the collar to shake out the information, but he beat me to it.

"... a human mate ," he finished with as much seriousness as he could muster. Time seemed to stop, a human... , a disgusting human as a mate. . . He must had been lying, pulling a joke, but when I looked into his eyes again, I realized that he was utterly, to my disgust, serious. The creature I had come to hate, humans, I would have to..., have to. . . mate with one. One question arose within me, and it must have been evident to my father as well. The question was _why._

"Sesshomaru, I did not have this planned for you. The Makers of Destiny have intertwined your fate with a Miko that goes by the name of Kagome." He paused, but soon began speaking again. "She is to bear to strongest taiyoukai to ever exist- your son- and you must do this. There is no way that you can escape; you must mate with her for the future to continue.

"Great evil will arise later on and your son will be the only one powerful enough to take it down. You must do this for the world, for time, and for the existence of ever living creature on this world…", his words were becoming softer, I couldn't properly see him anymore, I felt my world shift, and then I awoke.

At first I tried to figure out what had happened. Had fallen asleep? I never…I looked up, my gaze falling upon that of the Miko. Three realizations came upon me in that instant: one I was holding the disgusting human wench that was to be my mate tenderly; two my beast purred in contentment, loving the feel of her body against mine; three she looked so purely innocent in the dawns of sunlight that had streamed in through the leaves of the tree we were currently under. Amazed at her beauty I had let my mask slip, and she had noticed.

Disgusting, unbefitting and cruel, those were the only words close enough to describe my current condition. What would my mother think if she had seen me in this predicament? I dropped her on the floor as I got up. She started screaming at me, and then she halted midway, realization dawning her eyes, brown eyes turning hard and cold chocolate. She started screaming again, it would seem that she knew, of what I had to suffer. When she had started blaming me I … had lost it, my jaw clenched, and I was fighting for control over my anger. I felt my beast growling at me; he trying to defend _its _mate.

"Do not think that I just because fate has deemed it that we mate, that I do not hate you as much as you hate me. Do not think that your misery or tears will bring me pity, for I will not hesitate to send you back to Inuyasha or disperse of you once our son is born."

I had lost control. The Miko looked on the verge of unconsciousness; I hadn't realized that in my fit of anger I had let dangerous poisonous drops fall from my claws onto her wrist. This was something which I would have to fix later. She lifted her gaze towards mine, our second mistake- I had let my mask slip again, and she had seen it. She looked terrified, and I found it funny that I hadn't realized that my glare could do so much.

"I do not love you," she gasped. "I could never give you that son," She sounded as if she were struggling with breathing. If I could have laughed, I would have, love what a petty silly thing.

"No one ever said anything about love." My voice was hard, scolding. "You do _not_ need love to conceive a child." Love… it was both the demise of my father and my mother. My mothers, for letting her think that my father had loved her. It caused a heart break so strong it had led to her death. My fathers …he had let his feeling for the human wench cloud his thoughts and brought upon him his death. This was when my mother died, for they were mates, and if one died, so would the other.

I looked upon Rin; she was awake, listening with her eyes closed. I was brought back to my thoughts as the Miko, took back her wrist from my grasp, I looked away, her being, it clouded many thoughts, clouded my logical sense and brought upon my beast's senses. There was a shift in the wind, and then her scent was carried towards me. It had been painful for me, to stay put and not do something that I would later regret; she teased me.

I had to dig my claws into my palm to not act upon my beast's wishes- soul mates... life was unfair. I looked upon my palm as I felt her shift around in the camp, my claws had left tiny crescent shaped wounds, but they had disappeared as soon as I unclenched my hands. She spoke again.

"I will give you what you so desire on the condition that you will give me your heart," she said as she started pick up her things. Heart…did I even have one? Surely I did, if not I would not had breathing and living, but… a heart, the one she wanted, was it my love? If she expected such a thing she was a fool. I held no love, I cared for no one.

"Foolish Miko, haven't I already told you I don't have a heart?" I said as I turned to walk in the opposite direction.

**OOO , Fluffys getting a little bit soft isn't he, hahahah, so now I'm sorry but I really would like to hear back a little more from my readers so I won't update till I have 25 reviews, shouldn't be that much, but even a good job or update soon would suffice **


	9. See Through me

**I AM SOO SUPER DUPER SORRY TIZ IS SO LATE, well first is the fact that u guys took so long to reach 25 reviews, second I had finals and regents, and for this I am truly sorry, so now I'll let u read the chapter that was literally awaiting to get out of my computer for like weeks .**

Disclaimer : I do not own Inuyasha or any of its charecters

Kagome Pov:

The wind intertwined her translucent, slender hands into his gently blowing silver hair. Not a word had been spoken from him towards me since our last argument. The words that Rin spoke to me were my only solace and were imperative for me to keep my sanity. However, this was little hope when I knew I was already mad. I was mad with want, mad with lust- love and passion.

It was funny really- these were the side effects of being soul mates, something I had come to accept, but it wasn't affecting him, or at least it didn't look like it was. Looks, I knew however, could be deceiving.

Seconds, minutes, days, and weeks passed by since I had last spoken to Sesshomaru. His cold indifference would have seemed completely normal, had it been a month ago when our fates had not been inseparable, but now… it hurt. His silence only helped spur my madness and the heart that went with it. His silence hurt- even more than Inuyasha's betrayal. His silence hurt worse than any cross words that he could have spoken to me. It was shredding my soul not knowing what he felt... it was worse not knowing, and guessing, than it would be to actually know. The wonderings of the human mind can often be far worse than the truth itself.

Agony, sadness depression, those words could no longer describe my state of emotions. What I felt was beyond those words, beyond that pain. My need to be near him, to have Sesshomaru close, was so intense at times I could not breathe. My lungs tried gasping for air, but it seemed my body needed something more than air. My lungs weren't empty; my heart was, and it needed him.

I needed him more than life its self, because without him life was hard. If I were not close to him, it seemed that I lost a piece of myself.

We were only days from reaching the palace of moon, his home, and I was beginning to dread this. I knew that if I couldn't be more than five feet from him, the time spent in his house would be quite miserable.

I knew I was acting like a spoiled brat, wanting all his attention, but I could not help it. I was drawn to him in ways I could not explain; it was as if my body had a mind of its own...

It craved his presence, needed him near, and at first I was disgusted with myself. How could I have dispersed of Inuyasha so quickly? How could I had been so drawn to him that Inuyasha's name no longer held painful memories, but friendly and happy ones instead?

I was utterly disgusted with my attraction to him, but I could not stop. My need for him was insatiable. He was just as important, if not more, to my survival food, water, and air.

If I could not have him, life wasn't worth nothing anymore, and I thanked the Heavens that this would not be a one sided love, because he must be feeling the same as I, the same attraction, the same need, but he was more controlled. Maybe that's why he's able to put distance between us.

But I would change that, I would have him whole, body soul and mind; I would hold his very being in my hands, and he would hold mine, if of course he didn't already.

"Mama, do you see that? Over the tops of those hills lays our home! Mama, I can't wait for you and me to play in the garden together," Rin said to me lovingly. Rin was such an innocent child. Exposed to the cruelty of the world at such a young age had not taken away the sparkle in her eyes; it had not taken away her desire to live and be happy.

I could not believe how I had let Inuyasha do that to me… but it mattered not anymore. I had a new quest to accomplish- a new destiny to fulfill. I took hold of Rin's hand and led her with me to take a closer look at my new home -the home in which I would have my son, live as Sesshomaru's mate and become the new Lady of the West..

As I grew closer to the sight of my home, I looked back and realized I had let myself pass by Sesshomaru, in a way that looked that I was the one separating us. I gazed into his golden eyes, which I knew now were different from Inuyasha light amber. The small difference in color, was now a huge difference in my eyes- it was the separation from the one I had once loved and the one I did love.

His golden eyes held my gaze and my trance was broken as he looked through me. I didn't understand how he did it, but he managed to ignore me as he looked at me. He had done the unthinkable… he had imagined life as if I were not there- he had gained the ability to not see me even when I was in front of him.

My heart gave a strangled cry, and a whimper escaped my lips. He paid no heed; he continued to look through me, as if I were invisible. My green skirt swished as an unpredictable rush of wind hit me hard. I stood frozen looking at him.

I paid little notice to Rin's pulling on me.

"Mama", I heard, "Mama come on, the palace is this way," Her soft voice barely reached my ears; my hearing was over-clouded with the hard thumps of my heart and the gasps that escaped my lips. My eyes were starting to glaze over; I could only hear myself, everything seemed... distant. I locked my gaze on Sesshomaru, as he continued to walk towards me, and then he walked right by me.

I turned to face him, but he continued walking away from me. He kept walking without as much as a single word. I desperately tried to find my voice to ask him what was wrong, but before I could so much as say his name, he gazed back at me and said,

"Miko we will arrive in my home in a few minutes, and when we get there refrain from talking to me unless I speak to you first," He said this icily, his eyes hard and cold.

My head was bowed; my bangs covered my now ghostly eyes. I understood now, the love was one sided, I guess I was the only one cursed with having to love someone who would not love me. I raised my head and let him see my tear stricken face. Funny… I had not noticed that I was crying. I nodded and continued to walk behind him; I had become numb. I no longer felt attached to the world, and as soon as I got to the palace, I would put my plan into action.

**Poor kagome, don't worry the fluff will come after, but for right now it's really important that there is distance between them, till next update, which this time will take 30 reviews, and guys don't take a month like last time, it was really hard for me to not update **


	10. Soul mates

**Well I'm really sorry for this chapter being late, since I had promised that when you guys reached 30 reviews I would update and that's been a week ago, it isn't that I hadn't finished the chapter it just that my beta reader was busy so yea, anyway my beta reader will remain busy for awhile so if anyone would like to be my beta reader please message me b/c without one I can't continue this story anyways, I would like a beta reader that isn't busy as well, one that can edit in at least once a week plez well thx and enjoy**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters **

**Sesshomaru POV: **

I had an uncontrollable desire to rip my claws through the flesh on my chest, but I kept myself in check. Pain-- it was the worst type of pain that I had ever felt in my entire life. I could no longer think straight, for my mind was overwhelmed with such inhuman agony. It was as if someone were slowly trying to pull my heart out from my body, as if someone with invisible hands had gripped my heart and was tightly, hurtfully, squeezing it. I kept this immense pain to myself, and I made sure that no one had noticed.

I walked in front of my pack, showing my authority as alpha, and hid my gaze from everyone. I knew that as soon as I locked gazes with anyone that my mask would fall. I knew where and why the pain had come from. It was the Miko's fault; it was her fault for existing.

_Flashback_

_I stood a few feet from my father, trying to ignore the words that spilled from his mouth. I gazed silently up at the high palace walls, looking at the patterns that adorned them for a distraction. It didn't work._

"_Sesshomaru! Listen to me!" I heard my father say. I sighed, turning to look him square in the face. I tried to put all of my anger, all of my malice, into that stare. He didn't seem to notice._

"_When a demon finds his soul mate," he continued, "it is extremely deadly if he is separated from her-- It was for this reason I had to leave your mother. Sesshomaru you must understand; I do not love your mother. Our marriage was arranged," The words, no matter how tenderly spoken, were leaden with torture._

"Please_ you have to understand," my father said to me. I paid no heed to his petty excuse. I could no longer look at him ; he had betrayed mother. And for what? Some stupid wench of a human? The man I had once called father was now a stranger. _

"_I do not care if you are soul mates with that vile human! The easiest solution to this is for you to kill her." I responded to his stupid reasoning._

"_I can't do that Sesshomaru. I cannot kill her… You see... she is with child..." He said his words calmly, reassuringly, but once again, I knew the emotions were fake._

_I was enraged, furious; he had conceived a bastard son. My eyes bled red, for I could no longer stand his presence anymore. _

"_Do as you wish, Father. Just make sure that that half-breed never has the chance of meeting me, because at the first scent of the child, I will kill it." I turned my back on the man I had once called father._

_End flash back_

I grimaced internally in pain once more. What would I do to rid me off this pain, what? I debated all possible options, and I found the only solution. I would have to distance myself from the Miko as much as possible, and then after my son's birth, I would kill her. My beast growled at me; it seemed that it was enraged that I was going to kill the Miko. No matter; I was the one in control, my beast would not interfere.

"Mama, do you see that? Over the tops of those hills lays our home, Mama! I can't wait for you and me to play in the garden together," I heard Rin say to Kagome. I mentally scolded myself; I would not allow myself to acknowledge her as another being, for if I did, I knew I would not be able to dispose of her once she completed her mission.

Rin and Kag-the Miko- walked faster and soon, the Miko had whisked by my side. I breathed in her intoxicating scent; my beast and I purred in contentment... Before I lost control I regained my composure. She and Rin had gone ahead to look upon our home.

She gazed back at me and tried to lock our eyes, but I could not allow that. So, instead, I put to use one of my many skills; I let my eyes fall on her, and then I looked through her. She froze; she had realized that I had looked through her, as if she weren't there. The way it should have been.

"Mama", Rin said pulling the Miko from her frozen position, "Mama come on. The palace is this way!"

Kagome's once lovely and exotic scent was now laced with such agony that it burned my nose. Hatred like no other filled my being, but, at the same time, an eerie feeling of longing filled my body. The need to reach out to her and soothe her aching soul, the need to stop my cold exterior just for her, was so overwhelming.

I had to do something, quickly, before I lost control and fell deep into my utterly disgusting desires. That's when I realized if she hated me, she would stop perusing me; it would put an end to her clouding my judgment. I had to make her hate me. Simple, I thought. I was proved wrong...

"Miko we will arrive in my home in a few hours, and when we get there refrain from talking to me unless I speak to you first," My eyes, like my tone, were hard and cold.

It had been the most difficult thing in the world to say. I had feared that she would see through my lies, that she would see my deepest desires. However, I carried through with it, not for my sake, but for the respect I held for my mother.

I would not disrespect her memory by loving this human. I would not fall as low as my father had. I wouldn't--_ I mustn't._

**So here it is, the bad news, one if I don't find a beta reader I won't be able to update as frequent, like maybe once every 2 weeks, also if I can't find one by the end of this month I'm going to put the story on hold b/c I've been wanting to start a new story, two the next chapter will come out when the story has 45 reviews, oooo it might take awhile I see since some of u read and don't review, anyways yea till next update.**


	11. Selfish

**To all my faithful readers here is the new chapter you've been waiting for, I was feeling very generous an nice today and decided to give it to you guys even though you didn't reach the required number of reviews, which next time will not be ignored, but u did better this time, one more review than the last time :D and so I'm happy; anyways I have a nice little quote for you today, which I do not own.**

_Love is …_

_What makes a weak man brave_

_And a king step off his throne_

_Good times, bad times_

_Easy times, tough times_

_It comes in an instant_

_And lasts three days after Forever_

_That's what Love is._

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters, or the poem/quote above

Kagome POV:

I remained silent for the rest of the journey. Rin had stopped trying to make me talk after the first hour or so. I had truly hurt her, when I had stopped talking; she had looked so hurt, like I had killed her dreams. Which to an extent, I had. I had broken her dreams of having a mother… a family. But it was -better this way, it was better if she didn't feel attached; because… when I would no longer be here, it would just hurt more if she had grown close to me. I was selfish though, I wasn't only trying to protect Rin, but myself as well.

Any other person that I would love would only make it even more difficult to go ahead with my plan. If I were to let myself love Rin far more than I already did, I don't think I would be able to carry out with my plan. It would hurt too much to leave her. But it hurt a lot, right now, just the mere thought of _Sess-Him _and.., I..., it was truly surprising that I had not died already from all the pain, from all the heart break, _from all_ …the sorrow.

I truly was amazed that both brothers, that both times… had caused me so much pain. So much so, that now both times I would attempt to rid myself of life. I guess it was a family trait. The only difference would be that this time no one would come to save me from myself. _Sess-He_ wouldn't come to save me, not him, or anyone else.

As of late I had come to realize that even the slightest mention of _Him _would send me on the verge of tears. Tears, I used to think that one can only cry so much for a single person, but I was wrong. For _Him _I could cry an ocean and still be left with the need to cry more. To see if I could eventually drown myself in my own tears, to cut my fate before it had even begun.

I started down half aware of my surroundings. We would be at the palace of the moon soon. I could see its beautiful gate from where I stood. I no longer felt fear of arriving, because the sooner I was out of his sight the sooner I could commence with my plan.

_Selfish, _I heard, I glanced around me quickly but found, almost surprise that no one was talking to me, but then _who._.?

_You have condemned the fate of everyone around you, of everyone you love to a cruel an utterly disasters death. _I heard from the mysterious voice.I was afraid to speak out loud in fear of gaining anyone's attention, so I continued to ignore the voice. But then the voice, it came back and started to speak of wars, wars in which all my loved ones would die. And so I soundly asked to myself _who are you?_

_I am you._

I stopped dead in my tracks, how had.., what had just happened? Before I could continue wondering on the mystical voice I felt something, or better yet someone pull my leg.

"Ma-Kagome we have to get going, were almost at the palace, we shouldn't keep Sesshomaru-sama waiting." She replied to me stumbling over the word mother. I had caused her so much hurt in the past few hours so at the very least I put on a fake smile and nodded to her request.

I pondered on the mysterious voice for a few more moments and then dismissed it as a guilty conscious. We were getting very close to the palace of Moon, I could somewhat see the exquisite designs of its walls and windows, as well as the guards at the front gate. I let my gaze fall down at Rin and noticed that she seemed a bit less happy then before; I wondered… were they treating Rin right?

I soon stood to a stop in front of the gates while we waited for the gates to open. I could hear _him_ speaking to some of the guards very quickly but couldn't make out what they were saying to one another.

As soon as I steeped through the gates I was awestruck with the beauty of the garden. My surprised face must have been apparent because Rin suddenly laughed and said, "Wait till you see the garden in the back of the palace, they are even more beautiful." I smiled and humored her a bit more before a pair of what I assumed were maids started leading me away into the palace. I gazed back to the doors and saw _Him _make his way down a different corridor, it would be the last time I saw him in the palace, it would be the last time he would ever see me, well, the last time he would see me alive.

Rin was led by what I assume where her personal maids away from me. I was led by my maids to a beautiful room with a bed that looked like a real bed, not a silly futon, but a real bed with a real looking mattress and real soft looking pillows.

"My lady, we are your personal maids, my name is Mina and she is Hinamori, if you need anything please do not hesitate to ask, we are here to serve you lady Kagome", Mina said while both of them curtsied.

"Well first off, please don't call me lady Kagome, Kagome, will do just fine and second do you know where I can get a bath around here, the journey was awfully long and I would really like to wash off please." I replied suddenly in a very friendlier mood.

"But of course my lady please follow me to the bathing chambers", she said gathering to what I assumed were bathing appliances.

"Now now what did I just say about the whole lady stuff, I want to be friends so please call me by my first name," I said.

"Gomen, old habits die hard, please follow me this way", Mina replied while Hinamori rushed off somewhere. I followed her happily towards the bathing chamber, much more happy at the prosper of having a nice long soak.

**Well first off, I found a beta reader but…, I miss my old one, my old beta used to add more to my story, oh wells easy come easy go, so well now I've decided to edit my own stories. Anyway, the fastest I can update now is 2 weeks, and that is if u guys reach the review # goal, anyway the good news is that I will not put the story on hold , Yayyyyyyyyyyy, okay well, I think I'm still going to start my other story so be on the lookout for a new story that I've started writing. Read and review, just a good job, or nice or update soon is alright with me. **

**THE GOAL IS 52 REVIEWS, **


	12. Lady Kagome

**Well here it is, the newest chapter, hope u enjoy, sorry it was a day late, I had to got o the beach with my family and so I couldn't update yesterday. **

_Every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type of heaven.  
-- Tryon Edwards_

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters or the quote above.

Sesshomaru POV:

_**I don't care, I don't care I don't care**_ I repeated to myself.

_Who are you trying to fool, yourself? _My beast responded. It had become bothersome, as of late my beast had voiced its opinion on the Mikos fate far more then I would have liked. Ever since I had decided, that, as soon as my son was born I would _ki-_

_**You will do nothing, not a finger will you lay on her if you intend to harm her, I will personally will see to that. **_My beast answered, and even went as far as to growl at me to show his seriousness.

_What will you be able to do? You are stuck within me and I will not release you. _I stated, rather annoyed that I had let the conversation prolong as far as it had already reached. Conversations with myself were not pleasant.

_**Do you think that I will just sit back and watch as you kill not only your but my mate as well?**_ _**If that is your way of thinking then you really haven't grasped the whole we are one situation. We share a body a mind a soul. I will stop you from committing the greatest sin a Youkai can commit, the killing of his own mate, his other half his Koi.**_

My thoughts were distracted from my conversation when I noticed a change in scent coming from the Miko. Her scent seemed somewhat _pleased_, when just a moment ago it had reeked of agony. I pondered on the sudden change in scent a bit longer before dismissing it as nothing.

My beast had quieted, it no longer talked, it seemed that he had wandered off deep into the corners of our soul.

Again the Miko undertook a surprisingly fast change of emotion, she seemed … _shocked_? And this time she stopped dead in her tracks. I was intrigued, to say at the least, at the Mikos rapid change in emotion in the short time period of about a minute or two. It was very _odd, _even for a human. I continued to walk and let Rin take care of the Miko.

_**Well, well, well, I see you're very observant, now what was that again? That thing that you said, ohh yes that you didn't care! It seems that you care far a lot more than you let on. **_

I ignored my beast voice for a bit longer until I felt him reside back to the farthest corners of our mind once again.

_Though_, he was right: I shouldn't ponder or interest myself with the Mikos sudden change of mood. I shouldn't want to know what she thought at every wakening moment, I shouldn't want to hold her and console her, I shouldn't want to take back my hateful words just so that she would look at me with adoration once more.

I shouldn't want any of these things, _and yet_, I wanted all these things. I wanted to _hold her_, _secure her_, _comfort her, lo_-. My train of thoughts came to a halt, had I really allowed myself to _fall _for her, to... _love_ her?

"Ma-Kagome we have to get going, were almost at the palace, we shouldn't keep Sesshomaru-sama waiting", I heard Rin say to Kagome.

I was relieved; Rins interruption had halted my thoughts from falling into dangerous territory. I was perplexed though, why had the Miko halted? Why was she showing so many different emotions?

Miraculously we soon arrived at the palace which allowed me to sway from those dangerous thoughts. I overheard Rin and Kagomes conversation over my own; it seemed that the Miko had gone back to her normal self since she was once again talking to Rin.

As I informed the guards of their new lady and ordered them to heighten security around her room as well, I noticed that she was led away by one of the many maids of my palace. I looked upon her retreating figure. The moment seemed wrong somehow, I felt dread at the sight of her walking away, it felt as if would be the last time I would set my eyes on her.

I was about to call out to her before I realized that I was thinking foolishly, nothing was going to happen, not with the extra guards I would place around the palace, and I would make sure that she had her maids accompanying her at all times.

"Lord Sesshomaru, Lord Sesshomaru, Lord Sesshomaru are you-, "

"Yes, well see to it that whenever Lady Kagome leaves the palace at least a whole squad goes with her, is that understood?" I said cutting the guard off half way. It probably looked like I had not been paying attention, and even if it was so I could not let my guards see that.

'Hai lord Sesshomaru", he responded before bowing and taking off.

I walked to my study, my only place of solace, in which I could truly think without interruptions. For everyone knew that if they were to as little as knock on the door to my study they would be killed.

I let myself divulge in the mountain of paper work that awaited me. Signature after signature, pen mark after pen mark, the day seemed to haze away slowly and then quickly.

I stopped for a moment to watch the sunset from my window in my study. It truly was a beautiful thing; the ceasing of another day was truly ironic. How could something be beautiful at the end of its life?

Suddenly I heard footsteps outside my study, I narrowed my eyes on the shadow cast by the person's feet, whoever it was, halted at the door, hesitated, and then came barging in. The maid had a death wish-. I was interrupted with the rest of my thoughts by her horror stricken face.

"Lord Sesshomaru, Lady Kagome- Lady Kagome is... dying", she finally said falling to her knees.

I could no longer think or speak, the only thought flowing through my mind as I rushed out of my study in pursuit of Kagomes strong scent of blood was, _Please let her be alright, please don't take her away from me, Please don't die Kagome , please!_

**Well, things are getting fluffy, :D, so next update will be in two weeks if the goal # is met, also this will probably be the last 2 week update, when school starts next month it'll probably be an update every 3 weeks, sorry ******** its not my fault, its AP chems fault**

**THE GOAL IS 62 REVIEWS.**


	13. Darkness

**Well, I've decided to give you guys this chapter early, just because you went over and beyond the review goal, so you see, the more you guys review, the faster and more nice I am to update. So here it is. Also I don't own the quote below.**

_**One may not reach the dawn save by the path of the night.**_

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters or the quote above.

Kag Pov:

"Lady Kagome, are you quite finished with your bath, you are suppose to meet lord Sesshomaru-sama in the dining room in an hour," I heard Hinamori say from behind the bathing room doors.

_I couldn't proceed with my plans if the maids kept hovering and dotting on me every waking minute_ I annoyingly thought. I had to think of something and something fast, I had to go through with it tonight I had to, so it left me no option I would have to deceive the poor maids, _but… how?_

"Lady Kagome, you must hurry, we must dress you before it is dinner time or we will get severely punished," I heard Mina this time, say. I sank deeper and deeper into my extravagant bath, _how, how would I be able to deceive them?_

"Lady Kagome, onegai, we must dress you at once," I heard both of them hit me; I could get rid of them by sending them on a very difficult task, _but what?_ I realized then, that I was being silly; all I would have to do is say that I would dress myself, it would provide more than enough time to go on ahead with my plan.

"Mina, Hinamori, leave the clothes on my bed, I know how to dress myself, do not worry, I will go down to the dining hall on time, you will not be punished," I calmly said gazing at the silver knife I held in my hand. This blade would end my life; it would bring me the release I had hoped for ever since _his_ rejection.

"But lady Kag-".

"No buts, I will dress myself, now leave me", I said gazing at the shadows behind the doors. I heard a sigh and then the shuffling of clothes, footsteps and then silence. Just for precaution I called out the names of my maids, but there was no answer. I smiled, _good _I was finally alone.

_Selfish, you are the most selfish being on the face of the earth, you are willing to take away your life just because Sesshomaru doesn't seem to love you, you truly are foolish_, I heard a mystic voice say. Again, this was the second time the voice had communicated with me. I ignored the voice, nothing that it said concerned me, all I wanted was to put the pain to a stop. The hole, the black hole that had taken residence in my chest, had been sucking me in deeper and deeper, painfully and slow, the only way to stop it… would be to end my life.

I sucked in a shallow breath of air as I placed the knife on my see through wrist. I could see my veins, could almost see as the blood pulsed and dragged forward in many directions, all in effort to keep me alive, all in effort to keep me in the hell of my own body that consumed me with grief so great it basically was slowly, and painfully eating me alive.

_You are blind, don't you see, he does love you, he just cannot learn to accept it, but you must force him to, you must let him fall into his desires, you must disconnect all his restraints _I heard the voice say.

The voice, who claimed to be me, was truly ignorant of all the past events, like she couldn't see the truth, that he truly did not love me, she was holding on to a strain of hope, hope that would lead her and me nowhere but to more pain.

"You don't know the pain, even if it were true, love is not something that is forced, I have come to learn that the hard way", I said out loud before slowly taking the knife and puncturing it deep into the skin on my wrist.

White hot pain seized me, but I welcomed it, for it was nothing compared to the hurt that the hole provided, it wasn't as painful as the hurt within my heart. My vision soon started to blur, but I could still see as my crimson blood flowed down the length of my arm and into my bath. It was truly a sight to see, I was basically bathing in my own blood.

It was an out off body experience, after the first initial shock of pain, it started to wear down, as well as the pain in my chest. I felt light, like I was flying, I figured that I was on the verge of unconsciousness. I vaguely heard other voice in my out of body state, they must have come , and quick, but they were too late, I could feel myself slipping away, only holding on long enough to see his face. I could still see but mostly everything was blurred, that is until my eyes landed upon his figure.

He was here, but he was too late, nothing he did could stop this, nothing. His face, I was confused, his face...it showed concern sadness and grief. I weakly laughed, and spit out blood in the process. I extended my hand with the last of my strength and cupped his warm cheek with my now cold hand. He closed his eyes for a brief second before doing it again while holding my hand to his face with his own. His hands were so warm, so alluring.

He opened his eyes, and that's when I saw it, a glimpse of what the voice had said earlier, but it was probably also just an act. His eyes looked, _so lost so saddened_, like a child eyes when calling out for their mother.

"Don't leave me, Please, don't leave me here alone without you, don't leave, I cannot bear the thought of not having you near, please, stay with me", he softly spoke. Instead off his usual cold voice, his voice had been soft, pleading in a way.

"Why should I ", I said with the last of my voice, searching for an answer in his sudden change of person.

"Because, because I love you", were the last things I heard before being pulled into a darkness so dark, I could no longer see, feel or hear anything. Darkness that had once been welcomed, I now seemed to regret.

**Well now, the thing is i might update once more before skoolstarts, or maybe not, but anyways, i will try to update twice a wekk but probably itll be up every 3 weeks, anywyai have to AP classes to worry bout so im very but hey thats the review goal number is..**

**90 REVIEWS IS THE GOAL  
**


	14. the begginig of the end

** OMg i liek want to die, i have left my story unattended for so long, but well i didnt think that two AP classes and 1 honors class would be so much work, i ma so sorry but not as sorry cuz u guys didnt reach 90 reviews, oh wells i still want those 90 btw. Ohh and i wil try but i can not promise to update every 3 weeks, the most i tink is once a month, 1 because im failing math which is new b/c i used to get 99 in that class every time and 2 AP cem is murder, my test are 5 pages long fromt and back, i cna nevr even finsh thgem. UGGH okay so back to teh story, once a monthh. I didnt forget i was just busy, my stupid engklish teacgher was making me doubt myself cuz i keep getting 80's in his class. sighh wat to do? i hate writing now, when forced not when i write for u guys so , read and well tell me what u tink i promise this story will ahve an end i will not leave it half way. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters**

Sess POV:

I had never felt the feeling that I was feeling now. I had never experienced such immense agony, so much grief for one single life, for one single person, _for a human_. Not even when my mother had died had I cried, but now… but now, I could not stop the flow of tears from escaping the prison in my eyes. I could not withstand seeing her like this. I could not stand the sight of seeing Kagomes pale naked body in a bath of her own blood.

There was too much blood; she looked so weak, so fragile, so _dead_. But she couldn't be dead, she couldn't!

She had lost too much blood, her life was hanging on a tread, on a single tread of hope. But she would live, because without her alive, nothing would make sense anymore, and for that very reason she had to live.

I held her body in my arms tenderly as the female youkai doctor that had been in my family for years sewed up Kagomes wrist to attempt to stop any more blood loss. I could barely hear what she was saying to me, I was too preoccupied with my beautiful Kagome. But I did catch the words _too much lost blood, coma, and rest_.

"Lord Sesshomaru-sama, Lord Sesshomaru-sama you have to let go of her now, you have to let lady Kagome, rest, this all we can do for her at this moment", I heard the family doctor say. She had been in my family for years, she had always been the one to treat my fathers' injuries as well as mine, she had always healed us, but now…, she could do _nothing_ nothing more than to stop Kagomes bleeding.

"Lord Sesshomaru-sama, it would be wise to get her dried up and warm, keeping her wet and cold like this will only worsen the situation.", said the old female youkai.

I silently agreed as I stood up with Kagome's body in my arms, I placed my hori around her naked form to hide her from the many eyes of the palace.

I walked silently to my room, the room that should be hers as well… the room I had been planning on denying her access of. Yusami, the old youkai, followed me into my room, as I lay Kagome down on my bed, she had tried to dry her and in response I growled, she backed away silently, she understood what i was trying to say. No one would touch Kagome, I had done this to her, I…I would be the one to make sure that she would heal.

"I will come in tomorrow and every day after that, twice to see lady Kagomes condition", she said as she slowly left me with my beloved.

As the door closed I came to the realization that I had finally admitted that I loved…, that I loved her. I gently dried her wet form, careful of not hurting her with my claws in the process. She looked so pale, so sickly pale, just looking at her brought me on the verge of tears.

One tear, as I dried her face

Two as I dried her body

Three as I took her hands in mines

Four as I heard her heartbeat

Five as she moaned in her sleep

Six as she wept unconsciously

And then, there was no end, tear by tear dropped on to her pale white hands. I brought her hands to my lips, kissing them and sobbing into them. When had been the last time I cried? I didn't even remember anymore, maybe it was when I was merely a pup, or maybe not I no longer remembered. But one thing that I would always remember would be Kagomes ghostly smile, as she tried to leave, as she tried to run from my unjustified cruelty.

"Did I break you, as much as Inuyasha had? Did I really push you as far as for you to take your own life?" I asked into her damp hair.

"Inuyasha."

I stopped breathing, I looked upon Kagome, she was still sleeping, but, she had called out for the half breed. Rage filled me like no other, been unconscious she called for him, him not me. I dropped her hands as I sneered at her disgustingly. I was furious, but I really had no right to be. She was not the one at fault, I was the one who had swept her away from her old friends, I was the one who had taken her away from eth person she loved, I had been the one to condemn her to a fate worse than that of being at Inuyashas' side. I had stolen her, taken her away from the friends she loved so much, just to disgrace her, to shun her, something that was unspoken of between mates.

"Will you ever forgive me my mate, will you ever let this Sesshomaru make amends for the wrong he has done, will you ever love me like I do. will you stay by my side forever?" I asked her as I tucked us both into bed, wishing and hoping to wake with her still loving me.

**90 reviews thats the goal :D**


	15. A new begining

**Okay well you guys finally reached 90 yay, well I was gonna update sooner but I had writers block, word of advice don't take more than 2 AP classes at a time its murder… well unless your uber smart, okay well now that all my test are over except for a stupid Spanish test I will be all yours :D, okay so some of you might want to reread the last chapter since its been so long, kk well here you guys go, the new chappie, enjoy !**

Kag Pov:

I was drifting, floating. I felt as though I were falling, but at the same time flying. As I floated downwards in what I assumed was a never ending sky; clouds brushed up against my form and then darkness started to embrace me.

Leaving the blue sky and falling towards the darkness was not pleasant. It was far from pleasant. Where in the blue sky I felt joy and warmth, in the darkness I now felt cold and lonely.

"_Sessh_…", I called out. I couldn't finish the name, I couldn't remember. _Odd_ I taught, the name was at the tip of my tongue, but as I said the name the taught vanished.

Something gripped at my heart, pleading to ask for help. I couldn't remember the name; I searched franticly through my mind, but _nothing_. The force gripped my heart again as continued falling downwards into the never ending darkness. I screamed, this time there was pain. I could no longer breathe, coldness swept from all over my body to my heart and in the process forcing me to scream out a name, any name and so I did.

"INUYASHA".

Tears streamed down my face as I remembered all my memories of Inuyasha. The_ disdain, hatred and betrayal_ felt so fresh. It was as if I were reliving all my pain and misery.

"NO", I screamed. I didn't want to remember, I wanted to forget, forget everything again so I wouldn't have to endure such pain. Such heart breaking pain, it was unbearable.

"WHY, WHY DO I STILL FEEL THIS PAIN, I DIED TO LEAVE THIS PAIN", I cried out at the darkness. It wasn't fair; I had died to leave this pain behind. I would have never taught hell would make me relive all I did in life.

"You are not dead child, you are merely unconscious, and you must remember so that you can forgive, so that you can forgive and move on in life to fulfill your true fate and destiny ", I heard a familiar voice say.

"Midiroku", I said questioningly.

"Yes my child, it is me, you can't escape your fate so stop trying. Things will get better soon, I promise you this. The love you so long to have will be waiting for you when you wake up. Now child please wake up…" Her voice became softer and softer until I could no longer hear anything. My fall also seemed to change, I was still falling, but I was falling faster. My heart fluttered as fear crept in, I was going to crash, and my fall would soon stop. And so it did. I felt the impact of the ground against my back, I had not noticed, but I had closed my eyes, and now as opened them, light blinded them.

I felt cold, but not as cold as before. I felt cold but I also felt warmth radiating on to my back. Something or better yet someone was behind me. I tried bringing my hand up to my face to wipe off the sweat that was forming there, but something held me back.

I looked at my hand and saw a larger _clawed_ hand holding mine. My first instinct was to scream, but I stopped myself. The thing that was holding me down would surely wake if I made any noise and I for one did not wish to die. I let my eyes wonder around the room in which I was being held captive. It was big, that about summed it up. It was beautiful, the walls were painted gold and white and the floor was of marble. I tried remembering what had happened last, what had led me to be in predicament. I couldn't tough; my memory was fuzzy all I could remember was leaving camp to find Inuyasha. I also remembered a male youkai trying to kill me…, ohh man I taught, Inuyasha is going to kill me if he finds out, that is if I come out alive. I mentally squinted; I am so dead I taught.

I tried remembering what Sango had told me about youkais, but all I could come up with was baring your neck at them to show them submission. That was no help at all, that would only be useful if I got caught. So I tried getting out of the embrace in which the youkai had me in.

I slowly pulled my hand out of his and slowly started getting up. I taught I had been successful in getting up slowly and quietly but I guess not. For as soon as I was in a sitting position the youkai attacked me. He pushed me back into the bed slowly while he hovered over me.

This was not the same youkai that I remembered. This one really looked a lot like Inuyasha. He had long silver hair, golden eyes and a crescent moon on his forehead. He looked really happy, which was weird. I tried struggling out of his grip on my wrist but he held me down firmly. He lowered his head into my neck and started sniffing me. I froze, Sangos' words flashed in my head and so I barred out my neck more towards him. He stopped sniffing and I was relieved up until he started licking and nipping at my neck. I froze again, but then I snapped out of it as a blush started to form on my face.

"Get off of me" I said weakly, I felt very sore and tired but I was not about to let this stranger take advantage of me.

"Kagome I'm sorry, mate I'm sorry. I was wrong, I was wrong I love you please don't ever leave me again", he said crying into my neck.

Mate? I questioned, and he also said my name and that he loved me. He seemed to know me, but he didn't look familiar at all.

"Who are you, and how do you know me", I asked.

**AHHH KAGO LOST HER MEMORYY. Okay I know it's going to be a bumpy ride since she doesn't remember. But if figured she would love sesshomaru and trust him more if she forgot the pain that he put her through also she would believe him more. So she lost her memory don't kill me but she will get it back slowly and den the drama will begin for now the fluffiness will begin YAY.**

**Okay the number of reviews I want dun dun dun dunnnn 100:D you guys can do it.**


	16. The beginning we should have had

**This is the chapter I promised like 6 months ago I'm sorry :'(**

Sessh POV:

I felt her as soon as she had woken. She was stirring, and was on the borderline between unconsciousness and reality. But she was alive. All my fears diminished as she tried to sit up. I quickly restrained her, afraid she would injury or over work her weak body. She gazed into my eyes; she appeared confused and mystified. She was probably pondering on why she was alive. Everything seemed right again though, she was here, alive and she was going to stay with me for the rest of eternity. I was overcome with joy that is until she spoke her first words.

"Get off of me" she said weakly, my heart broke but I understood. She was still mad, upset, confused, and she had every right to be. I had shunned her, treated her like I would someone below her station. I searched for her pulse on her neck and start to nip and cuddle in an attempt that she would understand that I was sorry. This was the inu way of apologizing to family members. She surprised me when she barred her neck at me. The feelings I felt, the joy that encompassed my world were indescribable, she had accepted me, had shown submission even though I was the one at fault. I started to nip and lick the place on her neck were I would put her mating mark. She was my world and I would never let her go.

"Kagome I'm sorry, mate I'm sorry. I was wrong, I was wrong I love you please don't ever leave me again", I said as I wept of happiness into her neck. She stiffened and then her next words struck me to my core.

"Who are you, and how do you know me."

I was dumbfounded, what… what was she…I could not grasp what she was saying. So I asked her.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm Sesshomaru, do you not remember me?" I was astonished she looked so confused. What, what had happened to her?

"No, I'm sorry I do not recall who you are, or how I arrived at this place, but you are familiar do you happen to know Inuyasha?" she said weakly as she continued to look at me through heavy lids.

I was angry, I saw red and at this she shuddered into the bed in fear of me. She remembered the half breed but not me; did she hold no place in her heart for me?

I stopped myself though, I could not have her afraid of me, it was obvious that she did not remember me but why? Could she somehow have willed herself to not remember so that could avoid the pain? It was the only explanation, but how could I use this to my advantage?

Suddenly an idea emerged; she didn't remember anything that had to do with me so she would not remember any past wrongdoing I had done towards her or any of her friends. This was to my advantage, but I could also make her believe we were happily mated, well not mated yet but courting. I could convince her that this marriage was due to our feelings and not because of destiny. I could have her love me as I do her with no restraints of past actions. Maybe her losing her memory was not such a bad thing at all. But first to convince her of all of this I had to earn her trust, which does not necessarily involve scaring her now does it.

"Kagome, I'm sorry for scarring you, I was angry that you did not remember me because I have spent the last few weeks worrying over your well being. Koi since you don't remember I will explain. It is true, I do know of Inuyasha he is my half brother. But he had betrayed you and went off with the priestess named Kikyo. You ran away from him and into my arms. I supported you and loved you and asked you to be my mate. You had fallen in love with me as well and you had agreed. But then something terrible happened; you were abducted by youkai who could not stand the fact that a ningen would be the new lady of the west. I am sorry I could not protect you but I went out looking for you as soon as the news reached my ears as I was away on my weekly patrol of my lands that week."I waited for her to respond, her expression changed rapidly; first she looked hurt, then angry, then confused and lastly she looked as if she were trying to piece together all this information.

"I don't know if can believe you, my heart says that some of what you have told me is true, but my mind is confused as to the rest of it. I'm sorry but I can't just leap into your arms and say that doesn't matter, because it does, to me you're a stranger even though to you I am the love of your life. Please give me time to get to know you better so that my mind can come to an understanding with my heart. "

She looked hopeful and I grinned, this is the beginning we should have had and now we would have the opportunity to love each other without resent and mistrust. As to her memories I assumed she would remember later on, but we could cross bridge once got there.

**AHHHHHHHHH, I didn't have an author's message at the beginning because I felt that you deserved to read this without my interference. I feel so bad, and it's not that I forgot about it it's just that I kept putting it off, write now I'm writing this instead writing one of my 4 AP US essays I have due this week. So I can't promise when my next update will be but I know for sure it will be one of the winter break days which is like from dec 24 to January 3 or something. Now I'm not going to ask for a number of reviews this time. This is because one of my readers expressed her opinion about me asking for reviews, now let me explain why I did that in the first place. I have priorities straight and well this one is last on my last on my list, it's a hobby which I enjoy but can partake in as much as I'd want. School is too much and without an incentive it was really hard to update. I love writing but I have enough essays to write without having to write for fanfinction. But since I no longer can promise when my updates will happen I will not ask for a certain number of reviews, but keep in mind that if no one does ill feel like no one appreciates the work I've done. Writing fanfics is suppose to be for the author but it's really hard for me know so I'm writing out of obligation to you guys as off right now. It's still fun but stressful when I have other things that need to be done. So yea hope you liked it and excuse me if there are grammar errors since I tried to type it up as fast as possible so you guys could see it now and not tomorrow. Happy holidays till next time. **


	17. Memories seep from my veins

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha nor any of the other characters.

Kag POV

He seemed reticent, cautious, as if one single mistake could turn his universe horribly wrong. I had asked him about this, my..._mate_, but he just laughed it off and said that I was imaging it. Still, I felt as if he was hiding something from me, something… something important. I watched him as we ate breakfast, he seemed normal enough; I often wondered if he was a dream, a figment of my imagination. It just seemed too good to be true, him, me, _us_. His long silver hair covered his eyes as he ate, but his bright golden eyes were intently focused on me. I hadn't set my gaze on him all morning, but I could tell. He was always watching me, always following my every move. At first I thought it sweet, even protective, but now I wondered. _Is he waiting for something? For something to happen_? Again, I've asked him about this but he just waved me off smiling saying he enjoys watching me.

From what I remembered of my past, no one had ever treated me as kindly as Sesshomaru. I picked up a piece of pineapple from my plate of fruit and chewed on it, slowly, savoring the taste as I closed my eyes in delight.

"Hmm", he said abruptly, bringing me out of my dream like state. I opened my eyes and saw that he was staring at me intently. .

"Did you know it's not polite to stare, "I said hotly, giving him my best impression of his smirk. He looked surprised for an instance and then amused. His small smile was seraphic; he truly did look like an angel, with his long silver hair and molten golden eyes: which is why it was so hard to imagine that he was all mines; that I have truly made this wonderful creature fall in love with me. It felt wrong, so wrong, like I was borrowing someone else's life, living one that wasn't meant to be mine.

"I never claimed to be polite love", he said with a gleam in his eyes. He stopped eating and got up from his chair. He stood with so much regality, so much poise, that I couldn't help but feel as if I was in a fairytale. He stood by his chair and tilted his head at me and watched me as I watched him. Another game; he seemed to enjoy my aggravation, my confusion, or perhaps he was worried. I could never tell. His countenance was stoic; I couldn't get a read on him. Besides the ephemeral moments in which he willingly showed his feelings, his face was a mask, a barrier that I could neither penetrate nor comprehend.

I finished my breakfast and stood up as well. He watched me still, as I slowly slid out of my chair, careful to not catch the hem of the new blue dress he had bought for me. It was the most beautiful dress I had ever owned I had to admit, even though I had refused the gift at first, claiming it was too much on his part.

"I thought you didn't like the dress?" he said to my chagrin. I held my head up high and did not dare look him in the eye and said, "Well, you didn't take it back even after I told you to, and since you had requested that I wear formal attire this morning I chose to not put it to waste."

He smiled tentatively at me. "Well at least you have come to reason about the dress, I have told you before I am your husband and I enjoy taking care of you."

I sighed and turned around, my back facing the chair I had been standing behind. I leaned against the chair and purposely ignored his last comment by studying the intricate design of the dinning room walls. The walls were white, with occasional designs of exotic flowers and swirls on the upper portion of them. I heard him sigh, and I watched him from my peripheral vision. He looked tired, washed up, and I was the cause.

Despite the fact that he had been wonderful to me, and despite the fact that he had done nothing but try to make me feel comfortable in his home, I still could not accept that he was my husband. I absolutely had no recollection of him at all, and I found it quite difficult to fall helplessly in love with some one whom I felt was a complete stranger to me. Well actually difficult, not so much, I mean he had been the embodiment of the prefect husband, the perfect spouse, the perfect life partner, but I still felt hesitant. My mind was very willing to fall for him, but my heart wavered. I knew it was unfair to him because he had been nothing but kind and understanding, but I couldn't rush it. He said he would give me time; it had been 6 months since I had woken up with part of my memories missing, and recently he seemed more restless on the matter. He didn't say it out loud, but I could tell, only around this issue did he show me his true emotions, only then did he let his mask slip.

I continued to stare at the white walls that adorned the dinning room, but my mind was off to some distant place contemplating the only past I knew, Inuyasha. He was the only one I remembered loving, the only man I had ever loved, and I felt as tough I was betraying him by not leaving Sesshomaru and going out to look for him. But I just couldn't pack up and_ leave_… I didn't really know _where_ I was, and I found it hardly likely that Sesshomaru would just let me leave. His behavior only asserted my reasoning as he never had me out of his or my maid's sight.

"Sesshomaru did…, before, did I ever mention some…, someone named Inuyasha", I said slowly. I didn't want to bring up such a delicate subject, but it was the only way I would feel at ease. I felt that I was betraying Inuyasha in a way and I needed to make sure that I had established closure to that part of my life; even tough I would not remember it.

I heard him take in a sharp breath of air. I turned my head slightly towards him, just enough to see his face. He looked away. He moved around, just as I had, and looked at the walls of the dining room. I was intrigued; perhaps I had mentioned him before. Did that mean that he was keeping something from me? I would have continued to question all aspects of my life here had he not interrupted me. I wish I had not heard him, I wish I had ignored him, for the words that came out of his mouth broke my heart and shattered my soul.

"He's dead Kagome."

"Wha… what" I managed to say as tears made their way into my eyes. I was now fully facing him, grabbing onto the chair for dear life. My knuckles turned white, my legs wobbled, and suddenly I could no longer stand. I fell to my knees and stared at the marble floor with wide eyes, tears streamed down my face, sobs wracked my frame, and my heart shattered. I could no longer hear anything but the constant sobs that wracked my body, could not see anything but his smiling face, his red coat, his sword. I could feel nothing but coldness. I might as well have been dead. I started down at my hands, my palms were flat against the cold marble floor, they were the only things keeping me from falling face flat. The coldness of my soul and the coldness of my body started to take their tide as I began to shiver and shake on the floor. But then I felt something, warmth, as long arms encircled me, held me tight and didn't let go.

"I never got to say…goodbye" I said silently. My sobs had died down to that of small whimpers, but I still felt the grief, the pain, a black hole in my chest. I started down at the floor, eyes tired as I looked upon his hands, his distant but warm hands. He had barely touched me in these six months. "You're warm", I said silently. My head rolled back against his chest and his hair soon covered my vision. Such beautiful silver I taught, Inuyasha had silver hair, I reached up hesitantly to grab a strand, to grab something that was close to my last memories of him, but clawed hands stopped me. I tensed up, as he held my hand midair, holding my hand for the first time since I had woken up.

"I … I'm sorry Kagome", he said as he let go of my hand and instead pulled me closer to him, holding me in place with his warm embrace. His voice…, so dulcet, so serene, it wasn't a surprise that I soon felt my eye lids heavy as he whispered sweet nothings in to my ear as he stroked my hair.

"Will…will you hold me while I sleep", I asked timidly, not wanting to lose the feeling of comfort and safety I felt.

"Of course, I'll never let you go…, never again. I promise." I smiled, and soon I was deluged into the world of my dreams, of memories not known, of a past not recalled.

I'm so sorry, as one of my reviewers has pointed out it has been like a year and a half. Once again I'm sorry, tough this time I promise nothing but that I will continue and finish this story I've had the outline of it in my head since I started it which was a while ago. I do recommend for you guys to read the last two chapters though, since this has to do with them. I know I like did a flash forward but I didn't want to go thru chapters and chapters of her getting even remotely close to her supposed husband. At this point in time she has established a small amount of trust in him. She's starting to feel something for him but seems hesitant. Well anyways it will really start to get good form here on. I'm on summer vacation so I'll probably get the chance to update if not at the very least once or twice before schools starts again in September. Thank you for continuing to read shattered.


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